Please don’t wait for me to call.
Don’t expect me to show up on your doorstep.
Don’t expect me to fight, or choose.
Don’t ask me to call first,
Because it wouldn’t be the first anymore.
It would be the thousandth time I’d picked up the phone,
The millionth time I’d already shown up
Ready to fight. Ready to choose. Ready to proclaim.
Ready to reassure.
When I called, I broke the rules.
When I fought, I crossed the line.
When I proclaimed, I created invisible pressure.
When I reassured, I was dismissed.
I was told time and time again,
Please believe what’s been said, for
What your soul thinks it knows, is purely fantasy.
Your heart will tell you lies.
So, one early summer night,
When the lies rose up again,
I opened the door and let them in.
I’ve accepted them now as truth,
The truth you begged me once to see.
I
Am
Too
Much,
You said.
You'll always love me,
As a friend,
But I am not your friend.
So, I can’t be the first to speak,
The first to pick up the phone,
The first to ring the doorbell,
The first to say I love you.
I can’t be the first anymore,
Because I already was.
If you want to find me,
To let yourself back in,
You’ll need to use the key.
The one simply marked, “Choose.”